God give me a moment's grace...as if i'd never seen your face...

when all you gotta keep is strong move along move along like i know you do

i've found you find strength in your moments of weakness

<3 Rachel

you're all that i could want, you're all that i ever need

you're every happy thought, you're everything in me...

and i come to find out that i dont like change...but when change comes without any warning...it only makes me want it more...what's one thing lost...why not lose everything?

i've loved like i should but lived like i shouldn't and i had to lose everything to find out.

</3R.a.C.h.E.l.

so. no one comes to xanga anymore.....but really i'm not too upset.

so the point of this weblog antry is to look back on and be like...oh yeah..i remember that...my last entry about that one thing.

so that one thing is wes. just over a week ago i found out that my boyfriend is moving to FL. i don't know if any of you have ever been hit by a car....hopefully not...but if i was to ever get hit by a car THATS what it would have felt like. wes was my best friend...he still is...but i promise that there isn't another single person on this earth that can make me feel the way wes does. there is just no way to explain it. he's the single most amazing guy in the world. i have said to God over and over and over again that i would give anything for him to stay. i mean it. i was lying on my bed...looking at everything i had in my room....and the thought that came to my mind was that absolutely NONE of that mattered to me. i would give up all of it just to have wes back. i remember the day after i found out my mom was trying to comfort me and she was offering to buy me a shirt...take me out somewhere with friends...go out to dinner....all this stuff. before i would have gladly taken the offer...but then it just didn't matter. i didn't and still dont need anything materialistic because that doesn't matter anymore. it's the thing in life that i took for granted that would always be there...wes....that i wanted. i love him...i do...i know it. he knows everything about me...he's the closest person in my life right now whether we are together now or not. he was just.....everything i could ask for....in a boyfriend...a friend...and in a person. if wes could make every person in this world feel how he made me feel everyday.... the world would be so perfect. and every little memory that we had...means so much to me...it truly does. i don't think i can explain to anyone how bad this hurts leaving them knowing exactly how i feel....or even close to it. somehow i have to move on. but when a piece of your heart that has been with you for two years gets ripped out in the blink of an eye....its NOT easy. the past two years with wes have been amazing... and i wouldn't trade it for anything in this entire world. looking back at all of those memories....all those good times...makes me feel so bad and so sad that i took it for granted. if there is one thing i learn out of all of this is to YRULY....don't take anything or anyone for granted. and you'll know if you did...once they are gone. if there is one thing that i could tell wes right now it would be that he has changed my life completely. everyday was honestly a new and different day because of him. i will never in this lifetime meet another person like wes...and thats what makes it so sad that he has to go. but for him being such an amazing person...maybe it was somebody else's turn to be touched by him. and i thank God everyday that i was one of those blessed people to have had him in my life. in some way or form...i will always love wes...and he will always be in my heart even if we didn't keep in touch. i will never forget him and how he changed me....and still....i love you wes.

*sqeeze your hand 3 times...and wait for it back...*

Rach

***if you are rading this PLEASE keep wesley and me in your thoughts and prayers...especially wes...this is prolly really hard for him to leave everything behind...the past two years watsed for him.***

here is a poem written by sam....about this whole situation with wes....i love you sam...thanks

It's like words mean less than the day before...
like breathng became a second priority...
like the first place you use to find me is the last place ill ever be
and the one thing i truly need...is the one and only to leave
i am wondering when it will get easier cause i know it will
but today i am just learning how to feel
in this surreal reality that came crashing down like a wave on a grain of sand
i've been washed away and lost to a sea of confusion
squeeze my hand just three times
like the ending of a broken romance
once upon a time you were mine
the shred of hope is killing me as it rolls down my cheek
its the only thing that keeps me hanging on and standing on my feet
i whisper in you ear just to let it all go
but you act like eveythings okay even though we both know
the feeling inside me drive me so insane
as i watch you turn for the last time
an unbeliavable pain
the realiness is unbearable
like a slap across the face
everyday i woke up with a sureness of seeing you
see yah in a few months
....and ill keep on loving you.

i have a new site that i will prolly use more than this one..just because it's a fresh start and it's a poem site like my dear sammy's.

www.xanga.com/heart_exchanger

leave me some comments!no one's commented me yet...so be the first one to do it!

<3RaChAy